This year was different from any others. The truth of 2017 unravels in what probably is the most honest piece I have ever written.
Photography by Brit Gill from this years actual life changing Soulful Entrepreneur retreat.
This year was different from others because, it is the last day of 2017 and here I am clearing my Mom’s apartment of negativity with sage and palo santo, then filling it with joy listening to singing bowl sounds on youtube, dancing around her apartment feeling so much gratitude I actually burst into tears.
Rewind 365 days.
2017 was a year of heart break, uncertainty and a deep struggle to find inspiration within myself and the world I created. The reason being I lost myself. I lost who I was and believed in nothing. I was swimming in a giant fish bowl that felt empty but outside the fish bowl it actually looked, bright, promising and full of love. At the beginning of 2017 I had no idea how to get to that side of the life I knew actually existed. I barely recognize myself now looking back to January 1st. But I am so excited that tomorrow is going to look different, it will look bright and promising, thanks to this crazy year of discoveries.
What is interest about New Years Eve last year was that the first thought that I remember having and feeling was, this year is going to suck. I felt uncomfortable and disappointed in my own skin as the year switched. I was not wrong, but it also was this that brought me to where I am now. My personal life was lost and floating not being able to let myself feel the heights of joy. Not because they were not there but because I built my own wall in that existed between me and happiness. And then with this feeling there came heart break. The point where the bottom of the fish bowl breaks and you discover what is under the bottom of the bowl, you didnt even know it could get darker, but it did. I know there is more that lies beneath, but I also decided that it was not worth loosing everything to find out how low it could go. This beautiful career path I chose for myself saved me, I couldn’t let it all crumble otherwise it would have become impossible for me to make a living and carry on designing my own life. It became impossible to pretend to smile.
And then my little magical gift entered my life at the right time with all the little magical balls of knowledge and light I needed. Brit Gill you know her as my travel buddy the person that creates the photos that share my story and live on TobruckAve. She is not the only person that became a teacher of mine this year but I will shout her out just cause our experiences together where life changing this year. She brought me back to earth, out from under the bowl, closer to the light and love. She is a lesson that just the right people enter your life at the exact time you need them and if you are paying attention they also share exactly the right messages and magic you need. They may disappear when their message is communicated or they inevitably become part of your soul.
This year was different from others because I rediscovered my who I am, I went from being numb to getting to know my soul and it has been a beautiful discovering. I went from knowing nothing about myself to learning about words like: infinite, abundance, meditation and joy and knowing how to implement them in my life. I became a student of the universe. Through each shift from dark to light and light to dark, I learnt another lesson mostly the lesson came from actually implementing the rituals and tools that I have been acquiring throughout the year and seeing how they actually transformed me. I imagine the hard lessons will keep on coming and every time they do I now know that there is a little slice of brightness that will come of the dark.
This year was different from others because most of my focus actually did not go directly to my career but directly to my own being. Which in my case does translate to my career. A different angle then what I am use to. 365 days ago, it got so dark that I actually didn’t even know what I wanted to create anymore, nor did I know what made me happy. The main focus became myself and along the way I began to share in a language that I felt was more me than ever. I began to share things and do things in a slightly different way and with more of my own light then ever before. My intention this new year is to continue to break this blockage that I have to share the real me with you all. I am always truthful about the thoughts I share, but I have to admit that I could open the personal gates more and with that hopefully inspire, influence and connect with more of you on the level I actually want and which in turn reflects more of me. See how it all comes full circle always!
This year was different from others because I know I was not alone in feeling numb and that there are more hearts and humans out there that have their stories and are looking for light. I hope that in 2018, through everything I have actually experienced throughout my life, I can become a source of what I am a student of myself.
This year is different from other because I have now landed on the last day of 2017, not feeling changed but reminded of who I am. My younger self was carefree, she had huge dreams, she danced often she sang she made people around her feel good, she had imaginary magical powers and when she laughed she made others do the same. She was a true influencer of “feel good”. Today I sit here being very clear about exactly what my intentions are for 2018 and that is to always feel deeply connected, with my soul and whomever I can touch with this beautiful platform I hold.
This year is different from others because I am sitting here, writing this.
Happy New Year, may 2018 feel good.